The reason I am deciding to start this blog, and hopefully stay on top of it more than the other blog, is because I think that an awareness needs to be made. The awareness and question being: Why as LDS (Mormon) people, do we make others in our wards and areas feel like they don't belong?
I wanted to bring this up because right now I am in the throes of this whole situation. I think it is important for people to be aware, and I want to know if people feel the same way I do. Also I want to see if there is a solution for the ever growing problem of people in wards and areas making others feel like they are less of a person because they are a certain way.
Like I said, right now I am in the middle of Mormon land. I live at Wymount in BYU housing. My husband attended BYU and just graduated. We are currently on our way out of Wymount, thanks to the graduation thing. Both my husband and I are very excited about moving, and getting out of the ward, which to me is very sad. We shouldn't feel like this, we should feel sad to leave the ward, and the people in it. These feelings were brought to a head, a couple of days ago. I had talked to a friend from our old ward, and found out that many of the girls that I loved have blogs. Now it may well be that I am pregnant and my hormones are wacky, but I don't think that is all. I felt really upset, and actually started crying, because I longed for that same feeling that we had in the old ward, to be in this new ward we are leaving. I wanted to have friends and be friends with the girls here.
It all started when we moved in to Wymount. We saw a few people in the yard, and said 'hi'. After moving in, we went to our ward for the first time. Of course, everyone knows how it feels to go to a new ward, and meet new people–awkward, and hard, but you try to push yourself out of your shell to find friends. I went to Relief Society and was introduced and said hello to. Well the next week came and no one talked to me, I was like "ok, lets see who I can sit by and try to talk to". I know I could have pushed myself more, and I don't blame everyone. Yes, I do have some fault here. Well it progressed like this from week to week, and now we are moving out, with no friends, just a few acquaintances. I am trying to figure out what happened and why I am leaving with no real friends. I remember once in RS, we were talking about Mothers, and their role in the family. Well, me, as a mother and wife, my role has been one of working and getting my hubby through school–providing for my family. I think this might be a reason why I didn't end up with any friends. I decided to put myself out there and speak my mind, I explained that I had an important role in my family by being the provider, many of the women in the ward gasped. It was a shock to them, many of them being stay at home moms, which I long to be myself someday (soon), but priorities right now are to provide. Was it really bad for me to say that I worked, was I really kicked out of the "club" because I am not able to stay at home with my little miss?
This is just a little snippet of how I feel. Undoubtedly I have breached a huge and broad topic. I would like to explore it with you, and see how you feel, let's see if anyone–and everyone together–can come up with a solution. I would like input from everyone, stories from everyone, how you felt like you had been kicked out of the "club". I am not trying to offend anyone here, but trying to bring light to a problem within the church, trying to figure out how we can change as Latter Day Saints.
About Me
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- Brianna
- Wife, Mother, Photographer trying to get through the world of random.
Jesus Christ
7 comments:
I think this is a great idea. Attention really does need to be brought to this topic and even though the General Authorities may discuss it that doesn't mean the members actually take it to heart.
I have had many situations like this and have been witness to people being treated this way (not just my own family, but many times on my mission). It's troubling, not just from the view point of being a member of a particular church, but also being human. We should naturally want to reach out and help others. Especially those of us who are mothers and fathers. But for some reason we shy away and fall into bad behavior which eventually ends in someone being hurt or feeling left out.
I am glad to see you take a stand on this and I look forward to sharing our experiences.
Do Mormons not read the Book of Mormon anymore? They should read Alma 30. It's amazing how something so pure and perfect can be interpreted in different ways (even I understand scriptures differently from other people).
We talk about believing the same things, but nobody practices it. I agree, it is hard to be in the church, and try to live the gospel the best way you can, and not have people judge you because you made a decision involving the Lord, and know it is right for you at the time.
This is one huge problem in and outside the church. We're stooping to the natural man when we behave like this. It bugs me to no end to see it happen. I guess that is why I love Bro. Wirthlin's talk at conference so much.
I know just how you feel. I have zero I mean zero friends here in Utah, I seriously thought I could move away from all of my family and into Utah because the church is here and there would be so many people to choose from. Boy was I wrong.
I think part of the problem, at least within "the bubble" (as my husband calls it) is that people here have tons of family, they don't NEED to make friends.
I am excited to see how this blog goes, keep up the good work.
By the way, It sucks that people make you feel bad about working, I think that is not only a problem within the church but within all motherhood, we tend to divide into working and home moms, it seems we miss out on a ton because of it.
Wow. I am glad this is starting and I hope that a lot of people get involved int his topic. This is my 'secret cause' if you will.
I was put into the stake rs and MAN! I feel like there are SO many families that are shunned because they "don't fit in" whatever that means. I am trying my darndest to make a difference in our stake. It was actually part of the calling as pointed out in the setting apart blessing I received.
Everyone has the right to feel "real" and noticed and to have a friend. We really need to wake up and see what we are doing to each other.
Thanks so much, I am excited and I will be back!
I know exactly how you feel. I am one those girls who does not want to be a stay at home mom. My husband has a scary job and I feel that it is very important that I go to school and be able to take care of myself if something should happen. I also want to get out of the house and have friends and feel independent. My kids are home with my husband when I go to school or work so I don't feel guilty because he gets to spend one on one time with them and I think that it is good for them. I think that it is great that you would be willing to provide for you family so that your husband could go to school. What an unselfish thing you were willing to do. And you will both benefit from the sacrifice you made. I also think that is it a great lesson to teach your children about working together as a family. I think that there is a stereo type with women in the church needs to go away. I too don't fit the mormon norm and my life long goal is not to be the relief society president or the bishops wife. Some people think that is a horrible thing, but that's their opinion. I am sorry that you have not felt welcome in your ward and hopefully you will be able to make some friends and relate to people that feel the same way.
In your blog you have said groups should form around people with the same interests and experiences. Being a working mom, you are having a totally different experience than a stay-at-home mom. Stay-at-home moms can get together during the day, enroll their children in tball together while they sit and chat, go to the library in the middle of the day, and schedule a lunch date. The group forms naturally, sometimes only based on the sheer availablity in schedules.
If you think you are missing out on the world because you're at home, you're actually missing out on a whole different world by not being at home.
Having been a working mom, I hated what I was missing. I quit (with consequences, of course--but we survived) and became a mom who just stayed at home. I was happy to be home, but not happy. I finally realized I had to stop relying on someone else to include me, so now I am the one who includes others. It's more work than waiting for someone to call me, but you know, I'm happy and because of that, so are my kids.
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